The Seven Deadly Notions Yahweh Has about Nature in the Bible

I.    TRUE or FALSE:  The earth is an motionless, circular disc,
                                         covered with a large, solid dome
                                         that has windows in it so that rain
                                         can fall on the earth.
     Yahweh says TRUE.  (Genesis 1:7-8; 7:11; Ps. 104:5; Matthew 4:8)
     Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

II.   TRUE or FALSE:  Stars are smaller than the earth and can fall
                                           down on the surface of the earth.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Revelation 8:10)       Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

III.  TRUE or FALSE:  Insects have four legs.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Leviticus 11:20-22)   Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

IV.  TRUE or FALSE:  Snails dissolve as they move from place
                                             to place.
     Yahweh says TRUE.  (Psalm 58:8)              Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

V.   TRUE or FALSE:  Hares and rabbits are ruminates, like cows,
                                           sheep, and goats.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Deuteronomy 14:7) Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

VI.  TRUE or FALSE:  What a pregnant animal sees will affect the color
                                            and pattern of its offspring's coat.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Genesis 30:31-43)      Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

VII. TRUE or FALSE:  Plants never have separate male and female
                                              forms.
     Yahweh says TRUE. ((Genesis 1:11-12)        Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

                         ALL OF THE ABOVE TEST ITEMS ARE FALSE.

     If anyone still believes that the planet earth and
 the rest of the universe are some sort of hemispheric
 snow globe, God love you.  Grasshoppers, roaches,
 ants, etc. all have six legs.  If you have the time, follow
 a snail around as it lays down a mucus path.  It won't
 melt unless you saute it in garlic and butter.  Rabbits don't
 regurgitate their food, but they do eat a specific type of
 their feces.  The Hebrew word for vomit is different
 from the Hebrew word for shit.  Color and pattern of an animal's coat
 are determined by its genes, not by what its mother looked at.  Facts
 discovered by a Roman Catholic monk in the 19th Century.  But the
 communists, God bless them, were devoted to this article of faith well
 into the 20th Century, using the fabrications of Lysenko during
 Stalinist rule.
     Finally, birds do it, bees do it, and even some plants do it.  Most
 plants have a unisexual  form.  But many plants need separate male
 and female forms in order to reproduce.  For example, some figs
 and--of all things--Christmas holly.

                   Maybe because He was self-taught?

             

The Seven Deadly Flip Flops by Jesus in the Bible

I.  Jesus Flip Flops on Who Are His Sheep

          Jesus was against preaching to the Gentiles (Matthew 10:5-6;
          Matthew 15:24) before He was for it (Matthew 28:19).

II.  Jesus Flip Flops on Changing the Letter of Mosaic Law

          Jesus was against changing the smallest precept of Mosaic
          Law (Matthew 5:17-19) before He changed it (Mark 7:18-19).

III. Jesus Flip Flops on Peace

          Jesus was for peace (Matthew 5:9) before He was
          against it (Matthew 10:34).

IV.  Jesus Flip Flops on Forgiveness

          Jesus was against absolute forgiveness (Matthew 12:31;
          Mark 3:28-29; Luke 12:10) before He was for it, giving the
          power of absolute forgiveness to His apostles (John 20:22-23).

V.   Jesus Flip Flops on Calling People Fools

          Jesus was against calling people fools under penalty
          of damnation (Matthew 5:22) before He was
          for it (Matthew 23:17).

VI.  Jesus Flip Flops on Grounds for Divorce

          Jesus was for grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32) before He
          was against grounds for divorce (Mark 10:7-9).

VII. Jesus Flip Flops on Public Display of Devotion

          Jesus was for public display of devotion (Matthew 5:16)
          before He was against it (Matthew 6:1; 5-6).

       There's no truth, no hope, no honesty in the Holey Bible:
all perjury, all forsworn, all naught, all dissembling.
       

       
       

The Seven Deadly Moments When Yahweh or Jesus Seem Confused in the Bible

I.   Genesis 9:6
       2Samuel 12:9-13


     Maybe Yahweh should have written down his
     notes in stone?  David commits murder for 
     hire--and ends up in good old age full of days, 
     riches, and honor.  God the Father or 
     The Godfather---depends on divine order.   


II.  Deuteronomy 24:16
        2Samuel 12:13-18


     What happened to the wisdom of  Solomon?   
     Yahweh kills an innocent baby in order to
     punish a guilty father--not suitable for the 
     typical Sunday School coloring book.  Is that
     why fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom?


III. Matthew 10:5-6
        Matthew 28:19-20


     Doesn't Jesus recall His antipathy toward
     Samaritans and Gentiles?  Maybe the
     apostles over-fished the errant Jews?
     Anyway, Paul was able to make a bigger
     tent, as it were.


IV.  Genesis 9:1-4
         Leviticus 11:1-20


     Doesn't Yahweh recall that Noah got
     an All-You-Want-to-Eat Buffet?  Then
     why does Moses get the All-You-Can-and-
     Cannot-Eat Buffet?  Was there a recall on
     some of the Intelligently Designed animals?
     The good news is that there was no change
     on the veggies---so all the loco weeds are
     still in.


V.   Deuteronomy 24:1-4
        Matthew 19:6-8


     Doesn't Jesus know that the bible is the
     inspired and inerrant word of God?  Here,
     Jesus reveals that Moses alone authorized
     certificates of divorce based on Moses'
     personal judgment.  Can Jesus un-ring this bell?


VI.  Genesis 6:5-6
         Exodus 20:1-17


     Does Yahweh sometimes get the future confused
     with the present?  The Commandments were given
     to Moses, not Adam--except for that prohibition 
     about eating certain fruits.  But Yahweh floods the
     biosphere, killing every living thing except those 
     aboard the Ark.  Being three personalities in one
     and omniscient must have its issues.


VII. Job 1:6-12
          Luke 4:1-12


     Does Yahweh know that he doesn't have to play
     the Dozens with the Evil One?  Poor Job!
     Satan bested Yahweh because all Yahweh had to
     snap was,  "I know all and I cannot tell a lie."
     The Jesus personality of the Trinity was cool. His
     snaps were fresh.  Then He tells the Evil One to go
     to Hell.  But what if the Evil One has said something
     about Jesus' momma....?


Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited
for you in the Holey Bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org
But if you gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy
do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side
of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to
hold, as it were, the mirror up to the paracosm
of religion to show a scam that is as old as the pyramids.
     
     

The Seven Deadly Ways God Sanctions Slavery in the Bible

I.   Exodus 21:20-21


     Yahweh sanctions slavery because the slave is 
     the property of the slaveholder.  Yahweh appears
     to be ignorant of the unalienable rights given by
     some creator--obviously not him.  GOD, JUST
     FORBID SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, 
     Yahweh forbids wearing fabric blends.


II.  Jeremiah 34:8-22


     Yahweh sanctions slavery as long as enslaved
     Jews are freed by their Jewish slaveholders--as
     per instructions.  GOD, JUST FORBID 
     SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh forbids
     eating shellfish.


III. Exodus 21:26-27


     Yahweh sanctions slavery as long as the slaveholder
     frees the slave who has his or her teeth knocked out
     or half-blinded by the slaveholder.  But no workman's
     comp.  Oh, the Benevolence!  GOD, JUST FORBID
     SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh forbids
     getting a tattoo.  


IV.  Exodus 21:1-6


     Yahweh sanctions slavery if the slaveholder frees
     his Jewish slave after six years.  The slaveholder
     is given authority by Yahweh to split up the slave's
     family, unless the slave opts to remain a slave for
     life and gets a hole punched in his ear.
     GOD, JUST FORBID SLAVERY, DAMN IT.
     Instead, Yahweh forbids serving cream sauce
     over goat meat.


V.   Leviticus 25:44-46


     Yahweh sanctions lifetime slavery of Gentiles
     if the slaveholder adheres to the legalistic
     clauses delineated by Yahweh--Contract
     Law 101.  GOD, JUST FORBID SLAVERY,
     DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh forbids cutting
     sideburns.


VI.  Genesis 21:8-14


     Yahweh sanctions slavery as long as the 
     off-spring of a slave woman and her master
    are written out of the slaveholder's will.  Slave
    children made illegitimate and homeless.  For
    Paul, this was laudable and should be a lesson
    for good Christians.  GOD, JUST FORBID
    SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh 
    forbids eating a rare steak.


VII. 2Chronicles 8:7-8


     Yahweh sanctions slave labor as long as 
     Solomon used it for public works, supporting
     the House of the Lord--just like the construction
     of the U. S. Capitol.  GOD, JUST FORBID
     SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh 
     forbids eating an Egg McMuffin.  


Read the word of God, I pray you, as I
have cited it for you in the Holey Bible
www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But if you
gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy
do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with
a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose
end is to hold, as it were, the mirror up to
the paracosm of religion to show a scam
that is as old as the pyramids.




     

The Seven Deadly Rants of the Times Square Jesus Bum Found in the Bible

I.   "You think you know God.  But I'm the only one 
      who knows God.  If I say I don't know God,
      I'd be a liar like you."  John 8:55


II.  "Me and God are the same person."  John 10:30


III. "If you believe in the Bible,  you believe in me
       because the Bible is about me."  John 5:46


IV.  "If you love your mother and father more
        than me, you don't deserve to know me.
        If you love your children more than me
        you don't deserve to know me."  Matthew 10:37


V.   "If your balls make you sin, cut them off.  If your
       tits make you a slut, cut them off."  Matthew 5:29-30
                                                                                         Mark 9:43-47


VI.  "I don't put down or criticize anyone.  But if
        I do put you down, I am right on because God
        listens to me."  John 8:15-16


VII. "You know I'm telling it like it is.  But you
         can't handle it.  You see what I'm saying?
         I'm keeping it real."  John 8:45-46


If this homeless street preacher came up to you
on the street, what would you do?  Would you
make eye-contact with him?  Would you ask
him to tell you more?  Would you give him
money?  Would you leave your family,
your home, your job and follow him?

  
       

The Seven Deadly Times When God Showed Fear in the Bible

I.   In the Garden of Eden---
      Genesis 3:22-23


     The upshot is that the Serpent did not lie--Yahweh 
     confirms that Adam and Eve became like him,
     knowing good and evil.  Yahweh had them thrown
     out of the Garden because Yahweh was afraid
     they might also eat from the Tree of Life and
     live forever.


II.  At the Tower of Babel----
        Genesis 11:1-9


     Yahweh feared a human challenge to his power,
     and he garbled human communication .  The
     Tower of Babel presented a serious threat, not
     just an impudent stunt, like a dog flushing a toilet.


III.  In the Garden of Gethsemane---
          Mark 14:32-36
          Luke 22:39-44


     Jesus--troubled, deeply distressed, in agony,
     sweating blood, even with an angel by his side.
     Jesus proves that there are no atheists in
     foxholes?


IV.   At Peniel---
          Genesis 32:22-30


     Jacob pinned Yahweh who cried, not "no mas,"
     but "Israel."  Yahweh ought to watch any 
     grabbing near the hip--or Yahweh might have
     to eat his words about that punishment talked
     about in Deuteronomy 25:11-12.


V.    In the Seventh Year, in the Fifth Month, 
         the Tenth Day---
         Ezekiel 20:13-14


     A date that will not become a blood red 
     day marking one of Yahweh's Stalinist reprisals
     because Yahweh was afraid of looking bad to
     the Gentiles--CNN International B.C.


VI.   At Golgotha---
          Matthew 27:46
          Mark 15:34


     Two Gospels report the last words of Yeshua: "Eloi,
     Eloi, lama sabachthani"---in Aramaic so nothing
     is lost in translation.
     Would Nathan Hale be considered an American
     hero if had said, "My countrymen, my countrymen,
     why have you forsaken me"?


VII.  At the Trial Before Pontius Pilate---
           John 18:38
   
     Every day during the Roman Catholic Mass,
     the name of a Roman governor of a backwater
     province is repeated in the Nicene Creed.  The       
     word count of the name Pontius Pilate is second
     only to the word count of the name Jesus Christ
     in the Roman Catholic liturgy.
     A fitting honor because Pontius Pilate uttered
     the most profound and wisest words in the
     Bible---"What is truth?"  Jesus was speechless
     because He was afraid to answer.


Read the word of God, I pray you, as I
have cited it for you in the Holey
Bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But
if you gerrymander the verses, as many of
your clergy do, you best eat the Jesus
Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor
whose end is to hold, as it were,
the mirror up to the paracosm
of religion to show a scam that
is as old as the pyramids.

The Seven Deadly Accounting Errors in the Bible*

I.   Genesis 6:19-20
       Genesis 7:2-3


     First livestock inventory was for two of every kind
     of animal.  Second livestock inventory was for seven
     of every clean animal and two of every unclean animal.
     Noah may have gotten the order mixed up because 
     Yahweh told Moses, not Noah, which animals are 
     clean and unclean.


II.  2Samuel 24:1-15
        1Chronicles 21:1-14


     Census count 1,300,000 versus 1,570,000.  But
     who told David to order the census--Satan or Yahweh?
     For some vague reason, Yahweh, displaying infinite
     wisdom, kills at least 70,000 innocent people who
     returned their census forms, but lets David plea bargain.


III. Numbers 25:9
         1Corinthians 10:8


     Another Stalinist style reprisal by Yahweh, killing
     24,000 people.  Paul shorts the body count by 1,000
     to 23,000 souls.  Maybe the Good Shepherd in that
     parable miscounted his one hundred sheep by one?


IV.  2Chronicles 22:2
         2Kings 8:26


     Ahaziah became king at age 42--the bible tells 
     me so.  Ahaziah became king at age 22--the
     bible tells me so.  Methuselah lived 969 years.
     How can you be sure--the bible tells you so. . .?


V.   1Kings 4:26
        2Chronicles 9:25


     In one accounting, Solomon has 40,000 stables
     and chariot bays.  In another accounting, Solomon
     has only 4,000 stables and chariot bays.  Good 
     thing a king does not have a tax obligation like
     a president does.


VI.  Genesis 6:16
         Genesis 7:20


     The Noah family barge was huge with only one
     window, roughly 20 inches by 20 inches, cut in
     the roof.  No A/C  or cross-ventilation.  Yahweh
     needs to do some calculations in fluid mechanics
     and geography.  The elevation of Mt. Ararat is
     16,000+ feet; elevation of Mt. Everest is 
     29,000+ feet.  How high is a hill?


VII. Genesis 7-8ff.


     The calendar time on the Noah family barge 
     from embarkation to disembarkation seems to
    be around 375 days.  But according to the logged
    time--the drifting, the running aground, and 
    eventual disembarkation, the Noah family
    was aboard closer to 400 days.  With input
    from Archimedes and Pythagoras, Zeus would
   have beaten Yahweh on "Are You Smarter Than
   a Fifth Grader."


     *The bible idolaters worship an inerrant biblical
       ledger:  2Timothy 3:16; 2Peter 1:21; Hebrews 1:1


Read the word of God, I pray you, as I
have cited it for you in the Holey Bible.
www.kingjamesbibleonline.org  But if you
gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy
do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with 
a side of honeycomb.


Let your own reading be your tutor whose
end is to hold, as it were, the mirror up
to the paracosm of religion to show a scam
that is as old as the pyramids.








     

The Seven Deadly Biblical Mysteries

I.   Why did Jesus want to raise the dead if  
      the dead already have been freed from this sinful
      vale of tears to await Final Judgment?


II.  If the eternal object lesson of the Parable of
       the Good Samaritan is universal brotherhood,
       why did Jesus feature a Samaritan, who is an
       outcast Jew but a Jew nevertheless, instead of 
       an Egyptian or a Nubian?


III. Was Adam created with a normally functioning
        penis and testicles, considering that Eve
        was a post-creation afterthought?


IV.  If the superpower Rome took Jesus into custody
        for insurrection, why did they not arrest His
        presumed co-conspirators--the twelve apostles?


V.   Why are there venerated relics of Jesus like the Grail, 
        the shroud, the cross, nails, tears, foreskin, but 
        there are no artifacts He made during His many
        years as a carpenter?


VI.  If all human beings are God's children, was Mary,
         the mother of Jesus, a victim of incest?


VII. If Jesus said that there were people present when
         He was on earth who would not taste death
         until He returns, where are these people living today?


Pluck out the ignorance that fools you to the top of your
bent.  Bible verses are but a rhapsody of words.  Words
need thoughts.  The capacity of reason should not fust
in us unused, covered with shreds and patches.

Seven Deadly Pornographic Bible Passages That Children Should Be Shielded From*

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The Seven Deadly Questions Intimated about Jesus' Character in the Bible

I.    Was Jesus a gigolo?          Luke 8:1-3


       When He was thirty-three, it was a very good year.  A year when
       women of  substance provided for Him and His followers.


II.  Was Jesus an elitist?          Matthew 13:10-13; Luke 8:10


       No full disclosure here to the common flock.  Maybe that is why
       the faithful are called sheep.  In Church Latin: "Fidem Scit."


III. Was Jesus influenced by evil spirits?          Mark 5:12-13


       Like Father, like Son.  Satan manipulated Yahweh into messing
       Job up.  And here Jesus takes the suggestion of unclean spirits.
       Perhaps, even evil spirits have good ideas once in a while?


IV.  Was Jesus grandstanding?          John 11:4-42


       Jesus puts a family through profound grief, not to mention
       His dying friend Lazarus calling for Jesus.  Why?  Just to
       show off a new stunt--or what is politely called a miracle?
       There is another parlor trick in Matthew 17:27.  "Hoc est
       corpus."  Or is that "hocus pocus"?


V.    Was Jesus into kinky sex and homosexuality?
        Luke 7:44-47; Mark 14:51-52


        Jesus tells Peter that He is into using a woman's tears to
        wash feet, having the woman to dry the man's feet with her
        hair, and enjoying the woman's constant kissing of the feet.
        Can you say "fetish"?


        And under what circumstances would a group of mature
        men have a certain naked young man among them in a
        public park?  Tongues surely would have wagged if 
        Osama bin Laden had had a naked young man in 
        his bedroom.


VI.   Was Jesus a con-artist?          Mark 1:9


        In Christendum, the purpose of baptism is to wash away
        Original Sin.  Roman Catholics believe that the Virgin Mary
        was born without Original Sin.  When did Jesus get Original
        Sin?  Was John the Baptist just a shill for con-godman Jesus?


VII. Was Jesus insane?          Mark 3:20-21


        At this point, Jesus seems to have gone over the edge.  His
        friends and family want to take Him into protective custody.


        If your next door neighbor or a co-worker were acting like
        Jesus is, wouldn't you want to do the same?  Can you 
        say "going Pentecostal"? 


Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it for you
in the Holey Bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org  But if you
gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy do, you best
eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to hold, as
it were, the mirror up to the paracosm of religion to show a
scam that is as old as the pyramids.




      

Thirteen Acts Not Forbidden in the Bible*

• Lesbian relationships
• Enslavement
• Suicide
• Genocide
• Torture
• Racism
• Drug abuse
• Sex discrimination
• Abortion and infanticide
• Human sacrifice and cannibalism
• Mutilation of the dead
• Discrimination against the handicapped
• Incest between a father and his daughter

*Maybe Yahweh should not have taken that day off, 

  or gotten side-tracked by ruling on the muzzled oxen and the goat

  meat in bechamel sauce.

One word more, I beseech you.  If you are not too much full with

Jesus Fish Flesh, the humble author is warning you about the

false, smooth comforts of the gerrymandered Holey Bible.

There is no darkness, but ignorance.  Lawless are they that

make their wills their law.  Go to your bosom.  Knock there,

and ask your heart what it doth know.

Things Small as Nothing, These Goodly Creatures

Has not a bug eyes?  Has not a bug limbs, organs, dimensions,
senses, likes and dislikes?  Fed with the same food, hurt
by the same things, subject to diseases, healed by rest,
warmed and cooled by the same weather as a human being
is?  If you crush a bug, does it not bleed?  If you poison
a bug, does it not die?  And if you bother it, does it not bite?


The earth is their planet, too.  Most of animal lives and our 
lives is spent satisfying the same drives and needs.  What makes
us think we are so special?  We live on a planet where all life
comes from death.  And this is supposed to be Intelligent Design?

The Seven Deadly Incidents of Animal Abuse in the Bible

I. Exodus 15:19-21

Why drown the horses? Did the horses oppress the Jews?

II. Jeremiah 51:21

Someone is taking the phrase "breaking a horse" too

literally--like the way the Godpods read the Holey Bible.

III. Zechariah 12:4, 14:15

Yahweh panics and blinds the horses. Then afflicts the horses,

mules, camels, and asses with disease. The subtle serpent must

have had some leverage on Yahweh?

IV. Leviticus 16:21-22

A hapless domestic animal is abandoned in the wilderness with

no chance of animal rescue. Yet another goat song?

V. 2Samuel 8:4

Panic, whipping, blindness, drowning--now Yahweh commands

that the horses be crippled. Why does Yahweh punish horses?

Did Genesis miss something in the Garden of Eden?

VI. Judges 15:4-5

Samson's To Do List:

1. Round up 300 foxes

2. Line the foxes up tail to tail

3. Set fire to the tails of the foxes

4. Burn the crops of the Philistines by using the

terrorized flaming foxes.

This had to take the better part of a weekend, even with

God's help. But Samson saved a lot of time by setting

fire to the fox tails two at a time. Clever hero. That is

why Samson is the patron saint of suicide bombers.

VII. Mark 5:12-13

Jesus takes the advice of the unclean spirits and causes the

death of 2000 pigs. What ever happened to WWJD--as

in "get thee behind me"?

Caution: Animals have been injured and/or killed

in the fulfillment of God's word. Do not stop

reading the Holey Bible, just don't do it

at the racetrack because it will frighten the horses.

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it

for you in the Holey Bible www/kingjamesbibleonline.org

But if you gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy

do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to

hold, as it were, the mirror up to the paracosm of religion

to show a scam that is as old as the pyramids.

The Seven Deadly Fashion Faux Pas in the Bible

I. Leviticus 19:28

God forbids piercings and tattoos, even Jesus tattoos.

'Swounds! They pierced His hands and feet.

Holy stigmata, Godpod!

II. Leviticus 19:27

God forbids hi-top fade haircuts and beard shape ups.

Deliver us from the cuttings of the mohel.

III. Deuteronomy 22:11-12

God forbids fabric blends. Maybe wrinkles etch the Virgin Mary?

And dudes must wear tassels---?---don't ask; don't tell.

IV. Deuteronomy 22:5

God forbids slacks and jeans, ladies. No puffy shirts, gentlemen.

Cassocks and albs--a dress by any other name would look

as sweet, Holy Father. When in Rome. . . .

V. Numbers 15:38

God reminds men to wear tassels, again. And now with

blue ribbons--royal blue or maybe pastel blue?

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

VI. 1Timothy 2:9-12

St. Paul says no cornrows, ladies. No bling, no designer

brands. One way to keep women ignored in church--and silent.

VII. 1Corinthians 11:14

Good idea of St. Paul to get rid of long, flowing hair

on men, especially if the men are still wearing pastel

blue tassels. There might be something wrong with

that--if we ask?

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it for

you in the Holey Bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But if you

gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy do, you best

eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to hold,

as it were, the mirror up to the paracosm of religion to show

a scam that is as old as the pyramids.

The Seven Deadly Parenting Skills in the Bible

I. Proverbs 13:24

Beat the children. Beat the children. How thick is that rod?

II. Proverbs 23:13-14

Beat the children again and again. What ever happened to

the "time out"?

III. Exodus 21:15

Kill children who kill their parents. Maybe the old man

overused his rod? Define rod.

IV. Leviticus 20:9

If your child uses a four-letter word to your face, apply

a four-letter word to your child:--d-e-a-d.

V. Deuteronomy 21:18-21

Sometimes it takes a whole village to kill a smart ass kid.

VI. Matthew 15:4-7

Now we know WWJD about hand washing and disrespectful

children. Listen up, kiddies, you can get stoned just by saying no.

VII. Mark 7:9-13

Jesus says again and again, you are commanded by God to kill

the disrespectful child--no matter how much you want the

kid to go to Harvard.

God's Law---'nuff said.

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it for you in the

Holey bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But if you gerrymander

the verses, as many of your clergy do, you best eat the Jesus

Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to hold,

as it were, the mirror up the the paracosm of religion to show

a scam that is as old as the pyramids.

The Seven Deadly Cases of Child Abuse in the Bible

I. Genesis 22:7-14

Abraham whipping out that long knife must have scared the

crap out of Isaac--that alone would have stopped the sacrifice.

Unclean, unclean--Yahweh doesn't like feces, shellfish, or nakedness.

II. Exodus 12:29

Arbitrary killing of dependent children and hapless animal

companions? Motivation, though, for the oldest boomerang

kids to set up their own households and help the economy.

III. Numbers 16:25-33

What ever happened to the humanitarian gesture of

releasing women and children? At least, no one had

to dig a mass grave--thank God.

IV. Judges 11:30-40

A good Jewish lawyer could have gotten her

off--the Abraham v. Isaac precedent.

V. II Kings 2:23-24

Elisha seemed to be off his meds. Everybody has their

own criteria for a teachable moment. Name-calling can

scar you for life--ask the forty-two little boys.

VI. II Kings 6:28-29, 33

Eating your children for lunch? Maybe that is why we call them "kids."

VII. Jerimiah 19:9

Do you think they will say Grace before eating their children?

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it for you in

the Holey Bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But if

you gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy do,

you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to hold, as it were,

the mirror up to the paracosm of religion to show a scam that is as

old as the pyramids.

The Seven Deadly Choices to Kill Babies in the Bible

I. Numbers 31:17-18

Kill the little boys, but not the little girls. . .who grow up in the most delightful way?

II. Deuteronomy 2:34

At least the little children did not wind up war orphans. Better dead than unfed?

III. I Samuel 15:3

Kill the babies and the animals in the petting zoo, but maybe spare the puppies?

IV. Psalm 137:9

Be happy about choices for really late term abortions?

V. Hosea 9:14

Pray to God for specific abortions? After all, God aborts one in five conceptions routinely as part of Intelligent Design.

VI. Hosea 13:16

Potential poster child image here for the Pro-Life Movement--pieces of babies.

And maybe a wanted poster for "Jehovah the Ripper"?

VII. Matthew 2:16

Too bad baby Jesus lacked identifying physical marks like the baby Delai Lama had.

Not a good time to be the proverbial little child.

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it for you in the Holey Bible. www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But If you gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to hold, as it were, the mirror up to the paracosm of religion to show a scam that is as old as the pyramids.

Thus His Body Will the Multitudinous Seas Incarnadine, Making the Green One Red

We are now afloat in a full sea of commentary. Osama Bin Laden killed in a compound that was as unfortified as a Bedouin tent in a desert of times past. Charging SEALS came in the dark night when they were expecting only spitting camels in the hot sun. Osama's remains dumped in the sea---without the burial in the earth on his side facing Mecca. Die on the ground; buried in the ground--that is Muslim law. Die at sea too far from the land--only then buried at sea in an earthen jar.

But will all his bones go to make coral? Why was the noble name Geronimo resurrected for this hell-hound? An inside frat boy jest? Geronimo's skull is believed to be a trophy of the Skull and Bones Society of Yale. Osama remains may have been jettisoned into the sea---but in the museo of the CIA, Osama's broken skull and long shanks will be displayed as long as the Republic endures. Evil houses made of sand will fall into the sea, eventually.

Behold The Shroud of Bin Laden