The Seven Deadly Ways God Sanctions Slavery in the Bible

I.   Exodus 21:20-21


     Yahweh sanctions slavery because the slave is 
     the property of the slaveholder.  Yahweh appears
     to be ignorant of the unalienable rights given by
     some creator--obviously not him.  GOD, JUST
     FORBID SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, 
     Yahweh forbids wearing fabric blends.


II.  Jeremiah 34:8-22


     Yahweh sanctions slavery as long as enslaved
     Jews are freed by their Jewish slaveholders--as
     per instructions.  GOD, JUST FORBID 
     SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh forbids
     eating shellfish.


III. Exodus 21:26-27


     Yahweh sanctions slavery as long as the slaveholder
     frees the slave who has his or her teeth knocked out
     or half-blinded by the slaveholder.  But no workman's
     comp.  Oh, the Benevolence!  GOD, JUST FORBID
     SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh forbids
     getting a tattoo.  


IV.  Exodus 21:1-6


     Yahweh sanctions slavery if the slaveholder frees
     his Jewish slave after six years.  The slaveholder
     is given authority by Yahweh to split up the slave's
     family, unless the slave opts to remain a slave for
     life and gets a hole punched in his ear.
     GOD, JUST FORBID SLAVERY, DAMN IT.
     Instead, Yahweh forbids serving cream sauce
     over goat meat.


V.   Leviticus 25:44-46


     Yahweh sanctions lifetime slavery of Gentiles
     if the slaveholder adheres to the legalistic
     clauses delineated by Yahweh--Contract
     Law 101.  GOD, JUST FORBID SLAVERY,
     DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh forbids cutting
     sideburns.


VI.  Genesis 21:8-14


     Yahweh sanctions slavery as long as the 
     off-spring of a slave woman and her master
    are written out of the slaveholder's will.  Slave
    children made illegitimate and homeless.  For
    Paul, this was laudable and should be a lesson
    for good Christians.  GOD, JUST FORBID
    SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh 
    forbids eating a rare steak.


VII. 2Chronicles 8:7-8


     Yahweh sanctions slave labor as long as 
     Solomon used it for public works, supporting
     the House of the Lord--just like the construction
     of the U. S. Capitol.  GOD, JUST FORBID
     SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh 
     forbids eating an Egg McMuffin.  


Read the word of God, I pray you, as I
have cited it for you in the Holey Bible
www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But if you
gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy
do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with
a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose
end is to hold, as it were, the mirror up to
the paracosm of religion to show a scam
that is as old as the pyramids.