The Seven Deadly Accounting Errors in the Bible*

I.   Genesis 6:19-20
       Genesis 7:2-3


     First livestock inventory was for two of every kind
     of animal.  Second livestock inventory was for seven
     of every clean animal and two of every unclean animal.
     Noah may have gotten the order mixed up because 
     Yahweh told Moses, not Noah, which animals are 
     clean and unclean.


II.  2Samuel 24:1-15
        1Chronicles 21:1-14


     Census count 1,300,000 versus 1,570,000.  But
     who told David to order the census--Satan or Yahweh?
     For some vague reason, Yahweh, displaying infinite
     wisdom, kills at least 70,000 innocent people who
     returned their census forms, but lets David plea bargain.


III. Numbers 25:9
         1Corinthians 10:8


     Another Stalinist style reprisal by Yahweh, killing
     24,000 people.  Paul shorts the body count by 1,000
     to 23,000 souls.  Maybe the Good Shepherd in that
     parable miscounted his one hundred sheep by one?


IV.  2Chronicles 22:2
         2Kings 8:26


     Ahaziah became king at age 42--the bible tells 
     me so.  Ahaziah became king at age 22--the
     bible tells me so.  Methuselah lived 969 years.
     How can you be sure--the bible tells you so. . .?


V.   1Kings 4:26
        2Chronicles 9:25


     In one accounting, Solomon has 40,000 stables
     and chariot bays.  In another accounting, Solomon
     has only 4,000 stables and chariot bays.  Good 
     thing a king does not have a tax obligation like
     a president does.


VI.  Genesis 6:16
         Genesis 7:20


     The Noah family barge was huge with only one
     window, roughly 20 inches by 20 inches, cut in
     the roof.  No A/C  or cross-ventilation.  Yahweh
     needs to do some calculations in fluid mechanics
     and geography.  The elevation of Mt. Ararat is
     16,000+ feet; elevation of Mt. Everest is 
     29,000+ feet.  How high is a hill?


VII. Genesis 7-8ff.


     The calendar time on the Noah family barge 
     from embarkation to disembarkation seems to
    be around 375 days.  But according to the logged
    time--the drifting, the running aground, and 
    eventual disembarkation, the Noah family
    was aboard closer to 400 days.  With input
    from Archimedes and Pythagoras, Zeus would
   have beaten Yahweh on "Are You Smarter Than
   a Fifth Grader."


     *The bible idolaters worship an inerrant biblical
       ledger:  2Timothy 3:16; 2Peter 1:21; Hebrews 1:1


Read the word of God, I pray you, as I
have cited it for you in the Holey Bible.
www.kingjamesbibleonline.org  But if you
gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy
do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with 
a side of honeycomb.


Let your own reading be your tutor whose
end is to hold, as it were, the mirror up
to the paracosm of religion to show a scam
that is as old as the pyramids.