The Seven Deadly Verses in the Bible That Denigrate Dogs

I.   Deuteronomy 23:18
                    Dog and whore in the same sentence can't be good.


II.  Proverbs 26:11;  2Peter 2:22
                    When a dog "kisses" its owner, the dog wants the
                    owner to vomit so the dog can enjoy a warm meal.
                    Part of the Intelligent Design of dogs.


III. Matthew 15:26-28
                    Yeshua was a little embarrassed here.  Perhaps He
                    realized some dogs are IAMs dogs, named for dear
                    old Abba.


IV.  Luke 16:20-2
                    Eating crumbs is not good.  How about having sores
                    licked by dogs?  Maggots are more antiseptic.


V.   Matthew 7:6
                    Unclean swine and dogs in the same sentence.  Not
                    likely to find any dogs in Heaven--or the potbelly
                    yuppy puppies.


VI.  Philippians 3:2-3
                    Dogs, evil workers, and mutilation in the same verse.
                    And circumcision mentioned in the next verse.  
                    "Beware of Dogs"?  Duh!


VII. Revelation 22:15
                    The proverbial man's best friend grouped with
                    witches, sexual perverts, murderers, idolaters, 
                    and liars.  Poor Fido.  Poor Faithful.


     Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited
     for you in the Holey Bible. www.kingjamesbibleonline.org
     But if you gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy
     do, you best eat the Jesus Flesh Fish with a side
     of honeycomb.

     Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to
     hold, as it were, the mirror up to the paracosm
     of religion to show a scam that is as old as the pyramids.
   


     


     


     


     
                    

The Seven Deadly Shibboleths of Orwellian DoubleSpeak in the Bible

I.   SLAVERY IS FREEDOM!
          Regs from the Ministry of Truth: 
                                                                 Romans 6:16-22;  1Corinthians 7:22;
                                                                 1Corinthians 6:19-20;  1Peter 2:16;
                                                                 Revelation 22:3;  John 8:36


II.  IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH!
          Regs from the Ministry of Truth:
                                                                 1Corinthians 1:17-19;  Luke 10:21;
                                                                  Romans 1:17


III. FREEDOM IS OBEDIENCE!
          Regs from the Ministry of Truth:  
                                                                 Isaiah 1:19;  Matthew 5:19;
                                                                 John 3:16-18


IV.  THOUGHT CONTROL IS FREE WILL!
          Regs from the Ministry of Truth:  2Corinthians 10:5


V.   CRUELTY IS KINDNESS!  KINDNESS IS CRUELTY!
          Regs from the Ministry of Truth:
                                                                 Proverbs 25:21-22;  Romans 12:20;
                                                                 Acts 9:16;  Romans 8:18;
                                                                 2Corinthians 4:16;  Hebrews 12:5-6


VI.  SALVATION ONLY THROUGH FAITH!  
        SALVATION ONLY THROUGH ACTS!
        SALVATION THROUGH FAITH AND ACTS!
          Regs from the Ministry of Truth: 
                                                                 Acts 16:30-31;  Ephesians 2:8-9;
                                                                 Matthew 25:31-45;  John 8:51;
                                                                 James 2:26;  1Peter 1:17-19


VII. LAST IS FIRST!  FIRST IS LAST!
          Regs from the Ministry of Truth:  Matthew 20:1-16


     This is the Thirteenth Hour.  The Ministry of Truth
 strongly suggests that you avoid reading the entire
 Holey Bible.  The believers must remain confused
 with fables and distracted by the Theater of the 
Absurd--naive miracles, compulsive rituals, and the
bigotry of monotheism.




          


          
          

The Seven Deadly Sinners in One Christ in the Bible

I.   The Angry Christ                         Mark 11:12-14;  Matthew 21:18-20
          Jesus was really pissed off at figs for being nakedly dioecious,
          thereby fooling His Dad on Day Three.  Maybe the fig tree
          was a virgin?


II.  The Verbally Abusive Christ    Matthew 5:22;  Matthew 23:17
          What ever happened to the soft word that turneth away wrath?
          And practicing what is preached?


III. The Cruelly Violent Christ      Matthew 10:34; Luke 19:27;
                                                                    Luke 22:35-38
          A sword is a sword, is a sword, is a sword.  Jesus should have
          tried smiles instead of similes--and murder.


IV.  The Slick Christ                            Matthew 22:21
          Looks like Caesar bought naming rights on some of Yahweh's
          Creation.  The original deed to the Creation was absolute
          as per Psalm 24:1; Haggai 2:8; and Colossians 1:16.


V.   The Deceitful Christ                      Matthew 13:10-11;  John 7:6-10;
                                                                     1 Peter 2:22
          Time seems to have dimmed Peter's memory.  Wonder what
          the Aramaic word for "is" is?
     
VI.  The Racist Christ                          Matthew 15:22-28
          Jesus used the canine epithet on a distraught, plain Canaanite
          mother.  But her sincere, humble response embarrassed this
          Son of God more than the mocking crown of thorns.


VII. The Sinful Christ                            Luke 3:21;  Mark 10:18
          What did Jesus do?  Now available--a new plastic band "WDJD"
          To be worn by a whole flock of believers who were washed in 
          the tears of Jim Bakker, Ted Haggard, and Jimmy Swaggart.


   Which Christ is worthy of imitation?  Forgive them--they
    know not what they are doing.


          

The Seven Deadly Notions Yahweh Has about Nature in the Bible

I.    TRUE or FALSE:  The earth is an motionless, circular disc,
                                         covered with a large, solid dome
                                         that has windows in it so that rain
                                         can fall on the earth.
     Yahweh says TRUE.  (Genesis 1:7-8; 7:11; Ps. 104:5; Matthew 4:8)
     Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

II.   TRUE or FALSE:  Stars are smaller than the earth and can fall
                                           down on the surface of the earth.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Revelation 8:10)       Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

III.  TRUE or FALSE:  Insects have four legs.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Leviticus 11:20-22)   Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

IV.  TRUE or FALSE:  Snails dissolve as they move from place
                                             to place.
     Yahweh says TRUE.  (Psalm 58:8)              Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

V.   TRUE or FALSE:  Hares and rabbits are ruminates, like cows,
                                           sheep, and goats.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Deuteronomy 14:7) Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

VI.  TRUE or FALSE:  What a pregnant animal sees will affect the color
                                            and pattern of its offspring's coat.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Genesis 30:31-43)      Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

VII. TRUE or FALSE:  Plants never have separate male and female
                                              forms.
     Yahweh says TRUE. ((Genesis 1:11-12)        Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

                         ALL OF THE ABOVE TEST ITEMS ARE FALSE.

     If anyone still believes that the planet earth and
 the rest of the universe are some sort of hemispheric
 snow globe, God love you.  Grasshoppers, roaches,
 ants, etc. all have six legs.  If you have the time, follow
 a snail around as it lays down a mucus path.  It won't
 melt unless you saute it in garlic and butter.  Rabbits don't
 regurgitate their food, but they do eat a specific type of
 their feces.  The Hebrew word for vomit is different
 from the Hebrew word for shit.  Color and pattern of an animal's coat
 are determined by its genes, not by what its mother looked at.  Facts
 discovered by a Roman Catholic monk in the 19th Century.  But the
 communists, God bless them, were devoted to this article of faith well
 into the 20th Century, using the fabrications of Lysenko during
 Stalinist rule.
     Finally, birds do it, bees do it, and even some plants do it.  Most
 plants have a unisexual  form.  But many plants need separate male
 and female forms in order to reproduce.  For example, some figs
 and--of all things--Christmas holly.

                   Maybe because He was self-taught?

             

The Seven Deadly Flip Flops by Jesus in the Bible

I.  Jesus Flip Flops on Who Are His Sheep

          Jesus was against preaching to the Gentiles (Matthew 10:5-6;
          Matthew 15:24) before He was for it (Matthew 28:19).

II.  Jesus Flip Flops on Changing the Letter of Mosaic Law

          Jesus was against changing the smallest precept of Mosaic
          Law (Matthew 5:17-19) before He changed it (Mark 7:18-19).

III. Jesus Flip Flops on Peace

          Jesus was for peace (Matthew 5:9) before He was
          against it (Matthew 10:34).

IV.  Jesus Flip Flops on Forgiveness

          Jesus was against absolute forgiveness (Matthew 12:31;
          Mark 3:28-29; Luke 12:10) before He was for it, giving the
          power of absolute forgiveness to His apostles (John 20:22-23).

V.   Jesus Flip Flops on Calling People Fools

          Jesus was against calling people fools under penalty
          of damnation (Matthew 5:22) before He was
          for it (Matthew 23:17).

VI.  Jesus Flip Flops on Grounds for Divorce

          Jesus was for grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32) before He
          was against grounds for divorce (Mark 10:7-9).

VII. Jesus Flip Flops on Public Display of Devotion

          Jesus was for public display of devotion (Matthew 5:16)
          before He was against it (Matthew 6:1; 5-6).

       There's no truth, no hope, no honesty in the Holey Bible:
all perjury, all forsworn, all naught, all dissembling.
       

       
       

The Seven Deadly Moments When Yahweh or Jesus Seem Confused in the Bible

I.   Genesis 9:6
       2Samuel 12:9-13


     Maybe Yahweh should have written down his
     notes in stone?  David commits murder for 
     hire--and ends up in good old age full of days, 
     riches, and honor.  God the Father or 
     The Godfather---depends on divine order.   


II.  Deuteronomy 24:16
        2Samuel 12:13-18


     What happened to the wisdom of  Solomon?   
     Yahweh kills an innocent baby in order to
     punish a guilty father--not suitable for the 
     typical Sunday School coloring book.  Is that
     why fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom?


III. Matthew 10:5-6
        Matthew 28:19-20


     Doesn't Jesus recall His antipathy toward
     Samaritans and Gentiles?  Maybe the
     apostles over-fished the errant Jews?
     Anyway, Paul was able to make a bigger
     tent, as it were.


IV.  Genesis 9:1-4
         Leviticus 11:1-20


     Doesn't Yahweh recall that Noah got
     an All-You-Want-to-Eat Buffet?  Then
     why does Moses get the All-You-Can-and-
     Cannot-Eat Buffet?  Was there a recall on
     some of the Intelligently Designed animals?
     The good news is that there was no change
     on the veggies---so all the loco weeds are
     still in.


V.   Deuteronomy 24:1-4
        Matthew 19:6-8


     Doesn't Jesus know that the bible is the
     inspired and inerrant word of God?  Here,
     Jesus reveals that Moses alone authorized
     certificates of divorce based on Moses'
     personal judgment.  Can Jesus un-ring this bell?


VI.  Genesis 6:5-6
         Exodus 20:1-17


     Does Yahweh sometimes get the future confused
     with the present?  The Commandments were given
     to Moses, not Adam--except for that prohibition 
     about eating certain fruits.  But Yahweh floods the
     biosphere, killing every living thing except those 
     aboard the Ark.  Being three personalities in one
     and omniscient must have its issues.


VII. Job 1:6-12
          Luke 4:1-12


     Does Yahweh know that he doesn't have to play
     the Dozens with the Evil One?  Poor Job!
     Satan bested Yahweh because all Yahweh had to
     snap was,  "I know all and I cannot tell a lie."
     The Jesus personality of the Trinity was cool. His
     snaps were fresh.  Then He tells the Evil One to go
     to Hell.  But what if the Evil One has said something
     about Jesus' momma....?


Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited
for you in the Holey Bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org
But if you gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy
do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side
of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to
hold, as it were, the mirror up to the paracosm
of religion to show a scam that is as old as the pyramids.
     
     

The Seven Deadly Ways God Sanctions Slavery in the Bible

I.   Exodus 21:20-21


     Yahweh sanctions slavery because the slave is 
     the property of the slaveholder.  Yahweh appears
     to be ignorant of the unalienable rights given by
     some creator--obviously not him.  GOD, JUST
     FORBID SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, 
     Yahweh forbids wearing fabric blends.


II.  Jeremiah 34:8-22


     Yahweh sanctions slavery as long as enslaved
     Jews are freed by their Jewish slaveholders--as
     per instructions.  GOD, JUST FORBID 
     SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh forbids
     eating shellfish.


III. Exodus 21:26-27


     Yahweh sanctions slavery as long as the slaveholder
     frees the slave who has his or her teeth knocked out
     or half-blinded by the slaveholder.  But no workman's
     comp.  Oh, the Benevolence!  GOD, JUST FORBID
     SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh forbids
     getting a tattoo.  


IV.  Exodus 21:1-6


     Yahweh sanctions slavery if the slaveholder frees
     his Jewish slave after six years.  The slaveholder
     is given authority by Yahweh to split up the slave's
     family, unless the slave opts to remain a slave for
     life and gets a hole punched in his ear.
     GOD, JUST FORBID SLAVERY, DAMN IT.
     Instead, Yahweh forbids serving cream sauce
     over goat meat.


V.   Leviticus 25:44-46


     Yahweh sanctions lifetime slavery of Gentiles
     if the slaveholder adheres to the legalistic
     clauses delineated by Yahweh--Contract
     Law 101.  GOD, JUST FORBID SLAVERY,
     DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh forbids cutting
     sideburns.


VI.  Genesis 21:8-14


     Yahweh sanctions slavery as long as the 
     off-spring of a slave woman and her master
    are written out of the slaveholder's will.  Slave
    children made illegitimate and homeless.  For
    Paul, this was laudable and should be a lesson
    for good Christians.  GOD, JUST FORBID
    SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh 
    forbids eating a rare steak.


VII. 2Chronicles 8:7-8


     Yahweh sanctions slave labor as long as 
     Solomon used it for public works, supporting
     the House of the Lord--just like the construction
     of the U. S. Capitol.  GOD, JUST FORBID
     SLAVERY, DAMN IT.  Instead, Yahweh 
     forbids eating an Egg McMuffin.  


Read the word of God, I pray you, as I
have cited it for you in the Holey Bible
www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But if you
gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy
do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with
a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose
end is to hold, as it were, the mirror up to
the paracosm of religion to show a scam
that is as old as the pyramids.