The Seven Shameful Acts of Jesus Christ in the Gospels

\

O for Shame...for Godly Shame

          I.   All-Eating Shame...Jesus Christ cursed the fig

            tree that had no edible fruit because it was out

            season.  Mark 11:12-14; Matthew 21:18-21.  What's the

            matter--a metaphor?  Rub the poor itch of

            faith and make scabs.  

     II.  Villainous Public Shame...Jesus Christ caused

            a herd of hapless pigs to be drowned.  'Tis a 

            cacodemon!  Mark 5:1-13;  Matthew 8:28-32.

     III.  Bloodiest Shame...Jesus Christ dramatically

           claimed that mutilation of hands, eyes, and 

           genitals may be done to avoid sinning. 

           Matthew 5:29-30; 19:12.   Perhaps to cut the bloody

           parts into stars to make the face of Heaven fine.

   IV.  Unseen Deed of Shame...Jesus Christ spun

          golden parables for the ragged, uncounted

          heads, the wav'ring, distracted multitude,

          but revealed the secrets of Heaven to His

          fawning minions.  Matthew 13:10-17.

     V.  Wounding Shame of a Serpent's Tooth...

         Jesus Christ dismissed family bonds and

         ignored the Corporal Act of Mercy to 

         bury the dead.  Matthew 8:18-22; 10:35-37; 12:46-49;

              19:27-29.  Mark 3:31-35.  Luke 14:25-26.

    VI. Deep, Eternal Shame...Jesus Christ praised

         a Roman slaveholder for believing in Him,

         but Jesus Christ failed to rebuke the 

         Centurion for using human beings as 

         livestock.  Jesus was a miraculous 

         veterinarian in these verses.  Matthew 8:5-13.

 VII. Foul, Memorable Shame...Jesus Christ

         intentionally let His friend Lazarus die

         so that He could awe the populace by

         raising the dead.  John 11:1-6, 21, 32-45.

         Every braggart will come to shame.

     Proclaim shame.  Shall it be shame 

bespoken in these days by telling the

truth?  Tell the truth and shame this

unholy braggart.  Art thou not ashamed

yet?  Fie upon thee!  Shame and perpetual 

shame, nothing but shame.  

  

The Seven Deadly Times in the Bible When God Sanctioned Rape

The Naked  Truth
of Dreadful Things

          I.  YHWH does not approve of Rape,

            except for 400 young virgins of Jabesh

            Gilead and the Daughters of Shiloh.

                                                        ---Judges 21:10-24

        II.  YHWH does not approve of Rape,

            except for the young Midian virgins.

                                                                ---Numbers 31:7-18

     III.  YHWH does not approve of Rape,

           except when He turns over a town that

           defended itself.

                                                      ---Deuteronomy 20:10-14

      IV.  YHWH does not approve of Rape,

           except when one of his chosen people is

           attracted to a comely captive--as long as

           her head is shaved and her nails are cut.

                                                        ---Deuteronomy 21:10-14

      V.  YHWH does not approve of Rape,

            except when He uses the public rape of

            wives to humiliate husbands.

                                                        ---2Samuel 12:11-12

       VI.  YHWH does not approve of Rape,

             except when the women are spoils of

             war, like fancy garments.  

                                              ---Judges 5:30;Zechariah 14:1-2

     VII.  YHWH does not approve of Rape,

             except when rapists follow certain tort

             clauses:  a father must buy back the 

             daughter he sold into slavery if she does

             not please her rapist; the rapist cannot

             sell his victim to foreigners; the rapist

             must feed and clothe her; the rapist

             may pay a fine and marry his victim.

                                   ---Exodus 21:7-11;Deuteronomy 22:28-29

                             The inspired words of God before

          thy face prove the Godpods fools.

          These words ravish even savage ears. 

          And should vex the souls of those who

          hear what is written.

                                             

                                  

             

   

       

                                                   

Killing Jesus: To Set a Form upon that Indigest **

Yeshu Stoned

            The Jews sought to slay Jesus because he had
done servile acts on the Sabbath and also said that
YHWH was his father, making himself equal to God.

         All the chief priests and elders of the people
took council against Jesus to put him to death.
They bound him and delivered him to Pontius Pilate,
the proconsul.  

          Then said Pilate unto Jesus--"Hearest thou
how many things they witness against you?"  And
Jesus answered him to never a word.

           Pilate saith unto the Jews--"What shall I 
do then with Jesus who is called King of the Jews?"
The Jews all said unto him--"Let him be crucified!"
And Pilate said--"Why?  What evil hath he done?"
But they cried out the more saying, "Let him be
crucified!"

          Pilate took water and washed his hands saying--
"I am innocent of the blood of this just person.  You
Jews see to it."  Then Pilate released Jesus of the Father
unto the Jews.

          Then there arose a certain of the synagogue who
stirred up the people and the elders and the scribes.
The Jews said unto Jesus, "Thou art not yet fifty years
old and hast thou seen Abraham?"  Jesus said unto 
them--"Verily, verily I say unto you, before Abraham
was, I am.  I and my father are one."

          The Jews answered him saying--"For good work
we stone you not, but for blasphemy, and because that
thou being a man makest thyself God, thou art a 
magician, an idolater, and possessed of a demon."

          And the Jews came upon him and caught him.
They cried out in a loud voice and ran upon him 
with one accord.  And the Jews cast him out of the 
city and they stoned Jesus.  He, kneeling down, 
cried with a loud voice--"Eli, eli, lama sabach thani?
It is finished."  And he gave up the ghost.

          It is written that all the men of the city shall
stone him with stones:  that he die--so shalt thou
put evil away from among you.  And if he be to be
put to death and thou hang him on a tree--his body
shall not remain all night upon the tree, but thou
shalt bury him that day, for he that is hanged is
accursed of God.

          This is as it was for the Gospels speakest
it falsely.

     **The Gospels clarified by the Babylonian 
         Talmud, Midrash, and Toldoth Yeshu

The Seven Ignored Boyhood Miracles of Jesus of Nazareth

Wherefore?  Wherefore?  Wherefore?

     I.  Boy Jesus, falsely accused of pushing His
        playmate off a roof, restores him to life.

  II.  Boy Jesus raises from the dead a 
        neighbor's child and a carpenter.

 III.  Boy Jesus cures His brother James,
         who was bitten by a viper.

  IV.  Boy Jesus amazes a crowd when He
         heals a boy who mangled his foot
         with an ax. 

    V.  Boy Jesus plants one grain of wheat
          that yields 100 measures.  Some is 
          given to the poor.  Joseph takes
          the remainder.  

   VI.  Boy Jesus carries water in a cloth
           to His mother after the jug is 
           broken in a crowd.  

   VII. Boy Jesus lengthens a board that
           Joseph mistakenly cut short.  

     Jesus of Nazareth hath played His 
prologue like a child.  These miracles
from the Infancy Gospel of Thomas
raises a question that staggers the 
dullards who do homage.  Wherefore
Boy Jesus at the Temple is the only tale
taken from the Thomas Gospel  that is
recounted in the Bible?








   

The Seven Delinquent Acts of Juvenile Jesus

Same Child of Honor and Renown

     I.  Boy Jesus tells Joseph that he is stupid
          and not His real father.

    II.  Boy Jesus fashions 12 clay sparrows on
          the Sabbath.  When chastised, He claps
          His hands and brings the clay birds
          to life.

  III.  Boy Jesus withers the playmate who
          muddles up His clay water.

  IV.  Boy Jesus strikes dead a playmate 
         who bumped into Him.  

    V.  Boy Jesus blinds the neighbor who
         complained to Joseph about Jesus.

   VI.  Boy Jesus turns playmates who wont 
          play hide-and-seek into baby goats.

  VII.  Boy Jesus curses and strikes dead
           His teacher Zaccheus.

     This childhood proof--O, is it all forgot?
This Infancy Gospel of Thomas, The Arabic
Infancy Gospel, the Koran hath stain'd the
childhood of this child of fancy that guides
dullards.  

  

Seven Deadly Fits of Tiger-Footed Rage: YHWH or Kim Jong Un? That is the Question!

Devotions Monstrous Visage

                         

The Visage of Offence

                                           




                                             
          I.  Had 12,000 sheep and 22,000 oxen
               slaughtered to celebrate the opening
               of a public building.  1Kings 8:13

         II.  Had 150 soldiers and their officers
               burned alive because they disrespected
               one of his yes-men.  2Kings 1:10-14

        III.  Had 3,000 people killed in one day
                because he doubted their allegiance.
                                                  Exodus 32:26-28

         IV.  Killed 24,000 using germ warfare
                because they tolerated interracial
                marriages. Numbers 25:6-9

           V.  Killed 50,070 men because they
                 examined the contents of a top
                 secret device.  1Samuel 6:19

          VI. Had 120,000 men killed and sent
                 200,000 women and children
                 into labor camps for being disloyal.
                                           2Chronicles 28:6-8

        VII. Had half a million people killed
                to demonstrate that he was the 
                legitimate ruler. 2Chronicles 13:15-18  

           Behold YHWH, the tyrant of ungovern'd
rage.  This is the wildest savagery, the
bloodiest throne.   




                
                

The Seven Awesome Scenes Censored from the Nativity of Jesus

Merely a Shadow of a Dream

     I.   Zachel, the midwife, is brought to Mary
         by Joseph.

  II.   Zachel's hand is burned when she feels
         for Mary's virginal integrity.  

 III.   Zachel witnesses that Nature paused 
          during the Nativity--no wind, no waves,
          no flowing waters.

  IV.   Zachel witnesses that Mary turned
          snowy white.

    V.   Zachel witnesses that Infant Jesus 
          emerged from the birth canal as a 
          bright light that transformed into
          a new born baby.

  VI.   Zachel testifies that Infant Jesus
           had no weight, did not cry, but
           laughed, and looked at her with
           bright, flashing eyes.

 VII.   Zachel testifies that Mary did not
           suffer birthing pains, did not bleed,
           and remained virginally intact.

     Doth the substance of this tale wrong
the suborn'd Gospels?  Cunning Church
Fathers did calculate to obscure this strange
course of a greater birth.  What says Holy
Mother Church to His birth?

     And leave out Zachel?  There's the 
question.  This Latin Infancy Gospel * 
(circa AD 600-800) must bring the greater
birth to the world's light.  In search of His
greater birth, all truth appears. 

*Preserved in the Arundel 404 & Codex Hereford  




  


   

Commencement Address of Jesus: Of His Own Making

These Were His Very Words

      My loving Greeting to the Classes
of Two Millennia--I, known to you as
Jesus Christ, was brought up to 
believe I was the son of Joseph the
carpenter and Miriam the dresser of
women's hair.

     When I was twelve years old, I
told my ignorant parents that my
father is in Heaven.  They were
offended.  Later in my life, my
family said I was crazy and tried to
conduct an intervention.  But I knew
that I had come  from Heaven. I am
the Son of God.

     I am here to speak what I know,
to bestow these few precepts.  I come
to bury your pageant.  I will not be
mild and gentle in my speech.

     This world is but grief and woe.
How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable
are all the uses of this world. 

     I see the imminent death of all the
honors--all the glorious gold.  Open
your ears!  I have words that would be
howl'd out.  My words express my 
purpose.  These words hereafter thy
tormentors be.

     Do not plunge thyself into family.
Your parents can be your worst 
enemies.  For it is written that a man's
foes shall be they of his own household.
Follow me; forsake your family; do not
attend their funerals, and I will reward
you a hundred fold.

     Do not strive to have a career, savings,
and a retirement plan.  Live as the lilies
of the field and the birds of the air.  Give
to every panhandler; sell what you have
and give to the poor.

     Do not yourself such a wrong as
marriage.  Be an an asexual angel as
if you have no testicles.

     Do nothing with medicine or health
care because all maladies are the work
of Satan.

     Do not seek justice, equality, or
self-preservation.  Turn the other 
cheek and give more to those who have
robbed you.

     Do not explain to others for it is
written if you look back you are not
fit for the Kingdom of God.

     Thou marvell'st at my words?  You
do not think so?  Your sight is so low.
There is no more to be said.  No more
words.  Your offence is rank! It smells
to Heaven!

     Give me my robe.  Nothing pleaseth!
Mere oblivion!  Then go thou afraid.
This was my speech, and I will speak't
again.

     

The Seven Ways Prozac Could Have Changed the Bible

To Prove You a Cipher

     I. If Abraham had taken Prozac.....

          "You know, Sarah, I think it's time we retire

                to a sunny beach."

 II. If Moses had taken Prozac.....

           "613 rules?  I must have been nuts!

                Eat, drink, and be merry."

            

III. If Mary had taken Prozac.....

           "Joseph, we have to talk."

 IV. If John the Baptist took Prozac...

            "I feel like a hot shower and a ham

                 and egg breakfast.  Tonight, I'll

                 take in a show at Les Girls."

    V. If St. Peter had taken Prozac.....

             "Good luck finding followers, young

              fellow, but I have to get home after

              work to help my wife--her mother

              has been under the weather."  

    VI. If Jesus had taken Prozac.....

              "Guys, come over for supper.  I'll

                    show you my new dining room

                    table I just finished."

     VII. If St. Paul had taken Prozac.....

               "Don't knock it.  It cured me of those

                     migraine flashes of light and that stress

                     related thorny sensation."

            The unvarnish'd tale:  Religion--

         a drug of such a damn'd nature.