Things Small as Nothing, These Goodly Creatures

Has not a bug eyes?  Has not a bug limbs, organs, dimensions,
senses, likes and dislikes?  Fed with the same food, hurt
by the same things, subject to diseases, healed by rest,
warmed and cooled by the same weather as a human being
is?  If you crush a bug, does it not bleed?  If you poison
a bug, does it not die?  And if you bother it, does it not bite?


The earth is their planet, too.  Most of animal lives and our 
lives is spent satisfying the same drives and needs.  What makes
us think we are so special?  We live on a planet where all life
comes from death.  And this is supposed to be Intelligent Design?

The Seven Deadly Incidents of Animal Abuse in the Bible

I. Exodus 15:19-21

Why drown the horses? Did the horses oppress the Jews?

II. Jeremiah 51:21

Someone is taking the phrase "breaking a horse" too

literally--like the way the Godpods read the Holey Bible.

III. Zechariah 12:4, 14:15

Yahweh panics and blinds the horses. Then afflicts the horses,

mules, camels, and asses with disease. The subtle serpent must

have had some leverage on Yahweh?

IV. Leviticus 16:21-22

A hapless domestic animal is abandoned in the wilderness with

no chance of animal rescue. Yet another goat song?

V. 2Samuel 8:4

Panic, whipping, blindness, drowning--now Yahweh commands

that the horses be crippled. Why does Yahweh punish horses?

Did Genesis miss something in the Garden of Eden?

VI. Judges 15:4-5

Samson's To Do List:

1. Round up 300 foxes

2. Line the foxes up tail to tail

3. Set fire to the tails of the foxes

4. Burn the crops of the Philistines by using the

terrorized flaming foxes.

This had to take the better part of a weekend, even with

God's help. But Samson saved a lot of time by setting

fire to the fox tails two at a time. Clever hero. That is

why Samson is the patron saint of suicide bombers.

VII. Mark 5:12-13

Jesus takes the advice of the unclean spirits and causes the

death of 2000 pigs. What ever happened to WWJD--as

in "get thee behind me"?

Caution: Animals have been injured and/or killed

in the fulfillment of God's word. Do not stop

reading the Holey Bible, just don't do it

at the racetrack because it will frighten the horses.

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it

for you in the Holey Bible www/kingjamesbibleonline.org

But if you gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy

do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to

hold, as it were, the mirror up to the paracosm of religion

to show a scam that is as old as the pyramids.

The Seven Deadly Fashion Faux Pas in the Bible

I. Leviticus 19:28

God forbids piercings and tattoos, even Jesus tattoos.

'Swounds! They pierced His hands and feet.

Holy stigmata, Godpod!

II. Leviticus 19:27

God forbids hi-top fade haircuts and beard shape ups.

Deliver us from the cuttings of the mohel.

III. Deuteronomy 22:11-12

God forbids fabric blends. Maybe wrinkles etch the Virgin Mary?

And dudes must wear tassels---?---don't ask; don't tell.

IV. Deuteronomy 22:5

God forbids slacks and jeans, ladies. No puffy shirts, gentlemen.

Cassocks and albs--a dress by any other name would look

as sweet, Holy Father. When in Rome. . . .

V. Numbers 15:38

God reminds men to wear tassels, again. And now with

blue ribbons--royal blue or maybe pastel blue?

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

VI. 1Timothy 2:9-12

St. Paul says no cornrows, ladies. No bling, no designer

brands. One way to keep women ignored in church--and silent.

VII. 1Corinthians 11:14

Good idea of St. Paul to get rid of long, flowing hair

on men, especially if the men are still wearing pastel

blue tassels. There might be something wrong with

that--if we ask?

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it for

you in the Holey Bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But if you

gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy do, you best

eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to hold,

as it were, the mirror up to the paracosm of religion to show

a scam that is as old as the pyramids.

The Seven Deadly Parenting Skills in the Bible

I. Proverbs 13:24

Beat the children. Beat the children. How thick is that rod?

II. Proverbs 23:13-14

Beat the children again and again. What ever happened to

the "time out"?

III. Exodus 21:15

Kill children who kill their parents. Maybe the old man

overused his rod? Define rod.

IV. Leviticus 20:9

If your child uses a four-letter word to your face, apply

a four-letter word to your child:--d-e-a-d.

V. Deuteronomy 21:18-21

Sometimes it takes a whole village to kill a smart ass kid.

VI. Matthew 15:4-7

Now we know WWJD about hand washing and disrespectful

children. Listen up, kiddies, you can get stoned just by saying no.

VII. Mark 7:9-13

Jesus says again and again, you are commanded by God to kill

the disrespectful child--no matter how much you want the

kid to go to Harvard.

God's Law---'nuff said.

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it for you in the

Holey bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But if you gerrymander

the verses, as many of your clergy do, you best eat the Jesus

Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to hold,

as it were, the mirror up the the paracosm of religion to show

a scam that is as old as the pyramids.

The Seven Deadly Cases of Child Abuse in the Bible

I. Genesis 22:7-14

Abraham whipping out that long knife must have scared the

crap out of Isaac--that alone would have stopped the sacrifice.

Unclean, unclean--Yahweh doesn't like feces, shellfish, or nakedness.

II. Exodus 12:29

Arbitrary killing of dependent children and hapless animal

companions? Motivation, though, for the oldest boomerang

kids to set up their own households and help the economy.

III. Numbers 16:25-33

What ever happened to the humanitarian gesture of

releasing women and children? At least, no one had

to dig a mass grave--thank God.

IV. Judges 11:30-40

A good Jewish lawyer could have gotten her

off--the Abraham v. Isaac precedent.

V. II Kings 2:23-24

Elisha seemed to be off his meds. Everybody has their

own criteria for a teachable moment. Name-calling can

scar you for life--ask the forty-two little boys.

VI. II Kings 6:28-29, 33

Eating your children for lunch? Maybe that is why we call them "kids."

VII. Jerimiah 19:9

Do you think they will say Grace before eating their children?

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it for you in

the Holey Bible www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But if

you gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy do,

you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to hold, as it were,

the mirror up to the paracosm of religion to show a scam that is as

old as the pyramids.

The Seven Deadly Choices to Kill Babies in the Bible

I. Numbers 31:17-18

Kill the little boys, but not the little girls. . .who grow up in the most delightful way?

II. Deuteronomy 2:34

At least the little children did not wind up war orphans. Better dead than unfed?

III. I Samuel 15:3

Kill the babies and the animals in the petting zoo, but maybe spare the puppies?

IV. Psalm 137:9

Be happy about choices for really late term abortions?

V. Hosea 9:14

Pray to God for specific abortions? After all, God aborts one in five conceptions routinely as part of Intelligent Design.

VI. Hosea 13:16

Potential poster child image here for the Pro-Life Movement--pieces of babies.

And maybe a wanted poster for "Jehovah the Ripper"?

VII. Matthew 2:16

Too bad baby Jesus lacked identifying physical marks like the baby Delai Lama had.

Not a good time to be the proverbial little child.

Read the word of God, I pray you, as I have cited it for you in the Holey Bible. www.kingjamesbibleonline.org But If you gerrymander the verses, as many of your clergy do, you best eat the Jesus Fish Flesh with a side of honeycomb.

Let your own reading be your tutor whose end is to hold, as it were, the mirror up to the paracosm of religion to show a scam that is as old as the pyramids.

Thus His Body Will the Multitudinous Seas Incarnadine, Making the Green One Red

We are now afloat in a full sea of commentary. Osama Bin Laden killed in a compound that was as unfortified as a Bedouin tent in a desert of times past. Charging SEALS came in the dark night when they were expecting only spitting camels in the hot sun. Osama's remains dumped in the sea---without the burial in the earth on his side facing Mecca. Die on the ground; buried in the ground--that is Muslim law. Die at sea too far from the land--only then buried at sea in an earthen jar.

But will all his bones go to make coral? Why was the noble name Geronimo resurrected for this hell-hound? An inside frat boy jest? Geronimo's skull is believed to be a trophy of the Skull and Bones Society of Yale. Osama remains may have been jettisoned into the sea---but in the museo of the CIA, Osama's broken skull and long shanks will be displayed as long as the Republic endures. Evil houses made of sand will fall into the sea, eventually.

Behold The Shroud of Bin Laden