The Seven Women in the Bible Who Were Fecundated by the Potent Phallus of Divinity

My Womb! My Womb!
My Womb Undoes Me!

    I.  EVE  Genesis 4:1

       Eve gushes after coitus with  Adam that YHWH
           opened  her womb and gave her a man, Cain.
           What Happiness!  What Ha'Penis!  Baruch Ha'Penis....

  II.  SARAH  Genesis 20:1-18; 21:1-2

       YHWH caused Abimelech erectile dysfunction with
          Sarah and tied the tubes of the women of Abimelech's
          Domain.  YHWH opened Sarah's ninety year old womb
          and fecundated it.
          What Happiness!  What Ha'Penis!  Baruch Ha'Penis....

III.  REBEKAH Genesis 25:21-24

        YHWH saw to it that Rebekah's womb was opened, 
            resulting in a difficult pregnancy of fraternal twins
            after twenty years of infertility. 
            What Happiness!  What Ha'Penis!  Baruch Ha'Penis....

 IV.  RACHEL Genesis 30:1-24; 35:16-19

        Jacob tells his frustrated wife Rachel that YHWH
            causes her infertility, not him.  YHWH decides
            to open Rachel's womb.  Rachel later dies in
            childbirth.
            What Happiness!  What Ha'Penis!  Baruch Ha'Penis....

   V.  LEAH Genesis 29:16-35

        YHWH opens Leah's womb, sanctioning the wedding
            night switch of Leah for Rachel, tricking the eager 
            Jacob.  (Can one exercise free will if one is deceived?)
            Caveat coitus.
            What Happiness!  What Ha'Penis!  Baruch Ha'Penis....
             
  VI. SAMSON'S MOTHER  Judges 13:1-21

        Manoah believes his infertile wife's story that an
            awesome man she met in the fields said that she was
            going to be inseminated and needs to follow certain 
            prenatal directives.  The bible says this man was an
            Angel of the Lord, but he did not leave his name.  But
            he did open her womb. 
           What Happiness!  What Ha'Penis!  Baruch Ha'Penis....

VII. ELIZABETH Luke 1:5-25

        Zacharias and Elizabeth are very old when an Angel
            of the Lord tells Zacharias that Elizabeth's womb will
            be opened and she will have her first child, a son.  The
            Angel seems a little curt and short-tempered 
            and strikes  Zacharias dumb when Zacharias asks
            how can this be because they are so old.  Good thing 
            for Zacharias that he  did not laugh as Sarah did
            under similar circumstances.
            The son turns out to be John the Baptist---not
            John the Scribe or John the Publican.  A son at
            perfect age and the father declining?  The father
            should be as ward to the son.  Good wombs have
            borne bad sons.  Alas, their earthly reward.

And there is the Blessed Virgin Mary--
   whose chaste treasure was opened with
       a seminal word.... Luke 1:26-48

     Dried up organs of increase, hollow wombs, or stalwart
maidenheads cannot thwart the potency of YHWH.

     A small pill, a layer of latex, or a worthy sponge can
forswear the teeming wombs that Isaiah preached are 
ruled by YHWH (Isaiah 66:9) who forms thee and knows
thee before you came out of the womb (Job 31:15; 
Jeremiah 1:5)???

     What is Holy Mother Church afraid of?  
     
     YHWH allows miscarrying wombs and dry 
     breasts. (Hosea 9:14).  

      Pope Francis need not fear a woman who was
      prisoner to her womb, who is now freed and 
      enfranchised.  

     

     



        

        
   

The Seven Deadly Clues to Damning Jeopardy in the Bible

There are no bad questions.
Only bad answers--some can be dangerous.

     I.  Clue:  Mandated the first recorded final
                    solution by genocide.
                   Who is YHWH?  1Samuel 15:1-3

   II.  Clue:  Sanctioned a hate crime of the 
                   murder of an interracial couple.
                  Who is YHWH?  Numbers 25:1-13

 III.  Clue:  Mandated the death penalty for
                   homosexual men.
                  Who is YHWH?  Leviticus 20:13

 IV.  Clue:  Murdered a hapless man who tried
                   to prevent significant damage to 
                   a sacred object.
                  Who is YHWH?  2Samuel 6:1-7

   V.  Clue:  Threatened to shoot to kill anyone
                   who walked on his posted property.
                  Who is YHWH?  Exodus 19:12-13

   VI.  Clue:  Demanded that a homeless, holy man
                     cook his food with dried human feces.
                    Who is YHWH?  Ezekiel 4:9-12

  VII. Clue:  Mandated the death penalty for any
                    individual who failed to confine a 
                    dangerous, domestic animal.
                   Who is YHWH?  Exodus 21:29

Final Damning Jeopardy:  Popular Sayings

          Clue:  Faithfully said of serial killers, terrorists,

                     and murderous despots.

          Answer:  What is "playing God"?

Truth Will Out: Papus interruptus

Now the shoes speak,
decking his body in gay ornaments.

     This main secret, fit for a fool to fail by.
What must the Vicar of Christ do now?  As
the Pope, tell him this tale.

     Are you contented to abdicate the Triregnum.
Abdicate then.

     Then know, it is your fault that you abdicate
the supreme seat, the throne majestic, the 
scepter'd office, losing your gorgeous palace
for a hermitage, your gay apparel for an 
almsman's gown, your congregation for
a pair of carved saints, your kingdom for
a little grave.

A Volley of Words

Thane of Towson

     All smeared with pale ashes on Wednesday morn.
To ears of flesh and blood:  List, list, O, list to the few
words of wisdom among the chaff of the Bible--"Dust
thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return."  

     Live how we can, yet die we must.  Golden lads
and girls, all must come to dust.  All follow this and
come to forgotten dust.  Fear no more.

     And in dust I write.

The Seven Paineful Questions about the Saintly Zombies in the Bible*

Alive or dead?
Hear you, sir?  Speak!

         Earthquake Opens Graves;

Green and Pale Zombies Roam Jerusalem Streets

                                                                          --Jerusalem Times, Weekend Edition

     I.  Were the Saintly Zombies all of one sex,

        or a mingle of males and females?

  II.  Did the Saintly Zombies walk around naked,

        or were they draped with their shrouds?

 III.  Did the Saintly Zombies terrify their neighbors,

        friends, and families by coming back 

        from the dead?

 IV.  Did the Saintly Zombies go home, or go back 

        to work, or resume the lives they had before

        they died?

   V.  Did the Saintly Zombies have any conflicts 

         with their families over property or new 

         loves of their spouses?

  VI.  Did the Saintly Zombies go back to their

         graves and rebury themselves?

 VII.  Why is there no mention of these Saintly

          Zombies by Mark, Luke, John, Peter,

          Paul, or the resurrected Jesus?

     Paul says Resurrection is the cornerstone of

the message of Christ (1Corinthians 15:ff).  But

Paul never sought out one of the Saintly Zombies

or anyone who knew them.

     Flamen Paul who scolds against the quality

of flesh, and not believes himself.  Never more

a false title plead!  

     Let this damn you, and ditches grave you all.

            *Matthew 27:51-53

     

     

Truth Will Out

  If God is not Pro-Choice, then

    The Blessed Virgin Mary was raped.

Thereby Hangs a Tale

   "I am Paul, called to be an Apostle.
I labored more abundantly than the
other apostles.  I opposed Peter to 
his face because he stood condemned.
I am crucified with Christ."

     "Paul, I served with 
Jesus Christ; I knew Jesus
Christ;  Jesus Christ was
a friend of mine.  Paul,
you're no Jesus Christ."