Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Seven Deadly Notions Yahweh Has about Nature in the Bible

I.    TRUE or FALSE:  The earth is an motionless, circular disc,
                                         covered with a large, solid dome
                                         that has windows in it so that rain
                                         can fall on the earth.
     Yahweh says TRUE.  (Genesis 1:7-8; 7:11; Ps. 104:5; Matthew 4:8)
     Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

II.   TRUE or FALSE:  Stars are smaller than the earth and can fall
                                           down on the surface of the earth.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Revelation 8:10)       Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

III.  TRUE or FALSE:  Insects have four legs.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Leviticus 11:20-22)   Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

IV.  TRUE or FALSE:  Snails dissolve as they move from place
                                             to place.
     Yahweh says TRUE.  (Psalm 58:8)              Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

V.   TRUE or FALSE:  Hares and rabbits are ruminates, like cows,
                                           sheep, and goats.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Deuteronomy 14:7) Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

VI.  TRUE or FALSE:  What a pregnant animal sees will affect the color
                                            and pattern of its offspring's coat.
     Yahweh says TRUE. (Genesis 30:31-43)      Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

VII. TRUE or FALSE:  Plants never have separate male and female
                                              forms.
     Yahweh says TRUE. ((Genesis 1:11-12)        Fifth-Grader says FALSE.

                         ALL OF THE ABOVE TEST ITEMS ARE FALSE.

     If anyone still believes that the planet earth and
 the rest of the universe are some sort of hemispheric
 snow globe, God love you.  Grasshoppers, roaches,
 ants, etc. all have six legs.  If you have the time, follow
 a snail around as it lays down a mucus path.  It won't
 melt unless you saute it in garlic and butter.  Rabbits don't
 regurgitate their food, but they do eat a specific type of
 their feces.  The Hebrew word for vomit is different
 from the Hebrew word for shit.  Color and pattern of an animal's coat
 are determined by its genes, not by what its mother looked at.  Facts
 discovered by a Roman Catholic monk in the 19th Century.  But the
 communists, God bless them, were devoted to this article of faith well
 into the 20th Century, using the fabrications of Lysenko during
 Stalinist rule.
     Finally, birds do it, bees do it, and even some plants do it.  Most
 plants have a unisexual  form.  But many plants need separate male
 and female forms in order to reproduce.  For example, some figs
 and--of all things--Christmas holly.

                   Maybe because He was self-taught?

             

Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Seven Deadly Flip Flops by Jesus in the Bible




I.  Jesus Flip Flops on Who Are His Sheep

          Jesus was against preaching to the Gentiles (Matthew 10:5-6;
          Matthew 15:24) before He was for it (Matthew 28:19).

II.  Jesus Flip Flops on Changing the Letter of Mosaic Law

          Jesus was against changing the smallest precept of Mosaic
          Law (Matthew 5:17-19) before He changed it (Mark 7:18-19).

III. Jesus Flip Flops on Peace

          Jesus was for peace (Matthew 5:9) before He was
          against it (Matthew 10:34).

IV.  Jesus Flip Flops on Forgiveness

          Jesus was against absolute forgiveness (Matthew 12:31;
          Mark 3:28-29; Luke 12:10) before He was for it, giving the
          power of absolute forgiveness to His apostles (John 20:22-23).

V.   Jesus Flip Flops on Calling People Fools

          Jesus was against calling people fools under penalty
          of damnation (Matthew 5:22) before He was
          for it (Matthew 23:17).

VI.  Jesus Flip Flops on Grounds for Divorce

          Jesus was for grounds for divorce (Matthew 5:32) before He
          was against grounds for divorce (Mark 10:7-9).

VII. Jesus Flip Flops on Public Display of Devotion

          Jesus was for public display of devotion (Matthew 5:16)
          before He was against it (Matthew 6:1; 5-6).

       There's no truth, no hope, no honesty in the Holey Bible:
all perjury, all forsworn, all naught, all dissembling.